So I saw that movie Harry Brown the other night. The title of this post refers to how Michael Caine pronounces it. I don't know if it's his Cockney accent or that fact that he's nine thousand years old, but he kinda sounds like a baby. He also acts like a baby in several scenes of this revenge thriller, but then he'll pick up a gun and lecture the drug dealer who was freebasing out of his own gun about gun usage. Lots of gun talk. It's good to see old guys shooting people with too many tattoos though.
I liked this movie but it was kind of a Tea Party Wet Dream Action Movie. It's about taking the law into your own hands, but rather than having their character deal with the moral consequences of doing so, like Taxi Driver or Paul Kersey, in this movie taking the law into your own hands just solves your problems. Because criminals of any kind should just be hunted down and shot.
This is one of those movies where they justify the main character's murder spree by making the villain cartoonishly bad, like riding around on motorcycles and shooting at babies. It reminded me of that scene in Rambo IV where they've already shown the bad guys slaughtering innocent people but then the main bad guy rapes a little boy. Just for good measure.
Maybe there's some sort of scale in movies like this, where the actions of the baddie have to equal out how obliterated his corpse will be when the hero is done with them.
All in all, I liked it, and Michael Caine is a great actor, but it is a little spooky how it seems to say we should kill criminals with no repercussions. Maybe if he had a skull painted on his shirt I'd be okay with it.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Bridgetown!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hootenanny!
I checked Wikipedia and, yes, "hootenanny" is a word and I spelled it right! Score!
So I'm still in L.A. working on genetic experiments. The neighborhood I'm staying in is rife with loud birds, guys with chainsaws, and little kids. No, the neighborhood is not named "Sleeper's Paradise."
I'm eating some Frosted Flakes right now,* which I haven't done in a while, and on the side of the box it says "FROSTED FLAKES" (duh) but then in really tiny letters under that it says "of corn." I don't remember that from when I was a young 'un. Has that always been there? And why is it so small? It's like they're trying to trick kids into eating something healthy, but then this isn't actually healthy at all! What the deal?
I don't think Steven Seagal took sex slaves and the like. I know virtually nothing of his character, but the reason I don't buy it is that the lady didn't report it to the authorities. If you're going to make something up about somebody else for money, try and make it seem authentic by, oh, I don't know, REPORTING SEX SLAVES TO THE POLICE?!? Maybe that's just me though.
*quick, tell Gawker!
So I'm still in L.A. working on genetic experiments. The neighborhood I'm staying in is rife with loud birds, guys with chainsaws, and little kids. No, the neighborhood is not named "Sleeper's Paradise."
I'm eating some Frosted Flakes right now,* which I haven't done in a while, and on the side of the box it says "FROSTED FLAKES" (duh) but then in really tiny letters under that it says "of corn." I don't remember that from when I was a young 'un. Has that always been there? And why is it so small? It's like they're trying to trick kids into eating something healthy, but then this isn't actually healthy at all! What the deal?
I don't think Steven Seagal took sex slaves and the like. I know virtually nothing of his character, but the reason I don't buy it is that the lady didn't report it to the authorities. If you're going to make something up about somebody else for money, try and make it seem authentic by, oh, I don't know, REPORTING SEX SLAVES TO THE POLICE?!? Maybe that's just me though.
*quick, tell Gawker!
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Laws Angulees
So I'm in L.A. for work stuff for a while. It blows being away from the wife, the aminals, and the Portland in general. We are getting some good work done down here though. I don't mean "good work" like building homes for sick kids or anything, we're just writing. I'm just saying that I think we're writing good things.
I've tested out almost every major cities' public transit system, and I think L.A. takes the cake for the worst. The buses run slow and I never know if I'm taking one in the right direction or not! In a city this huge you'd think the problem would be having enough transit for the people here; it's not even that, it's just that the system is lazy and confusing for no reason! Kind of like the city it's in! Actually, you know what? Lots of transit systems seem to reflect their cities:
New York - fast-paced, packed, awesome when you're drinking
Portland - Efficient, ecologically sound and full of chilled-out weirdoes
D.C. - Well-organized, too clean and asleep before midnight
Chicago - Feels cool and old-timey, was in "The Fugitive"
Orlando - Sticky.
I've tested out almost every major cities' public transit system, and I think L.A. takes the cake for the worst. The buses run slow and I never know if I'm taking one in the right direction or not! In a city this huge you'd think the problem would be having enough transit for the people here; it's not even that, it's just that the system is lazy and confusing for no reason! Kind of like the city it's in! Actually, you know what? Lots of transit systems seem to reflect their cities:
New York - fast-paced, packed, awesome when you're drinking
Portland - Efficient, ecologically sound and full of chilled-out weirdoes
D.C. - Well-organized, too clean and asleep before midnight
Chicago - Feels cool and old-timey, was in "The Fugitive"
Orlando - Sticky.
Friday, April 02, 2010
APRIL FOOL'S!
So yesterday I posted a letter all over the internet saying that I had quit the Whitest Kids U' Know. Guess what? Yesterday was April 1st!
I would never really quit the WKUK! I'm a lifer! I don't know how many people actually fell for this, but here are some people that I definitely got (I know this because they either called or wrote me all concerned and I had to break it to them).
PEOPLE TOTALLY OWNED BY THIS PRANK:
DARREN
THE WHITEST KIDS' MANAGER
IFC (OOPS)
MY DAD
SEVERAL OTHER FRIENDS WHO SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
Thank you for your support and sorry I lied!
P.S. Lying is fun!
I would never really quit the WKUK! I'm a lifer! I don't know how many people actually fell for this, but here are some people that I definitely got (I know this because they either called or wrote me all concerned and I had to break it to them).
PEOPLE TOTALLY OWNED BY THIS PRANK:
DARREN
THE WHITEST KIDS' MANAGER
IFC (OOPS)
MY DAD
SEVERAL OTHER FRIENDS WHO SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
Thank you for your support and sorry I lied!
P.S. Lying is fun!
Thursday, April 01, 2010
An Important Announcement From Timmy
To all my friends, fans and family,
Spring is a time of change, a time of new things and a time of new beginnings. Plants grow, snow melts, and bears come out of hibernation.
For me, change is afoot as well, and thus I am hereby announcing my resignation from The Whitest Kids U' Know.
For some this announcement may be a shock, but for myself and the other members of the group, it's really been a long time coming. My wife and I recently have moved to Portland, Oregon and started a chicken farm, and that's really the direction our life is going now. Comedy was never something I wanted to do forever, and the time for change has come. Working and living off the land is something we've always wanted to do, and now is the time.
Not a day will go by where I won't miss coming up with silliness with my five best friends. I've had a great time making this TV show, but that time is over for me. For me, that world has moved on.
IFC has been a wonderful place to work for the past few years. We're lucky that we get so much creative freedom and that's something I'll always cherish.
Most of all, I'll miss the fans! You all are the reason we get to do this ridiculously awesome job, and I'll miss meeting you at shows and talking to you on the internet.
Well, that's it from me. I wish nothing but the best to the other Whitest Kids, IFC and our awesome legion of fans. Take care everyone.
Love,
Timmy Williams
Spring is a time of change, a time of new things and a time of new beginnings. Plants grow, snow melts, and bears come out of hibernation.
For me, change is afoot as well, and thus I am hereby announcing my resignation from The Whitest Kids U' Know.
For some this announcement may be a shock, but for myself and the other members of the group, it's really been a long time coming. My wife and I recently have moved to Portland, Oregon and started a chicken farm, and that's really the direction our life is going now. Comedy was never something I wanted to do forever, and the time for change has come. Working and living off the land is something we've always wanted to do, and now is the time.
Not a day will go by where I won't miss coming up with silliness with my five best friends. I've had a great time making this TV show, but that time is over for me. For me, that world has moved on.
IFC has been a wonderful place to work for the past few years. We're lucky that we get so much creative freedom and that's something I'll always cherish.
Most of all, I'll miss the fans! You all are the reason we get to do this ridiculously awesome job, and I'll miss meeting you at shows and talking to you on the internet.
Well, that's it from me. I wish nothing but the best to the other Whitest Kids, IFC and our awesome legion of fans. Take care everyone.
Love,
Timmy Williams
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday
My Dad and I just had a long discussion about politics. This has been hard in the past, since he's more of a Republican and I'm more Liberal, but things are easier now since we've both joined the We're All Fucked Party.
The coolest-looking stray dog is roaming our neighborhood today. I want to start a band with him, but he probably already has one.
There's a movie theater here in Portland that shows "LOST" for free every Tuesday. And they have beer and pizza. And they have couches.
Oh, and it appears that magic is real.
The coolest-looking stray dog is roaming our neighborhood today. I want to start a band with him, but he probably already has one.
There's a movie theater here in Portland that shows "LOST" for free every Tuesday. And they have beer and pizza. And they have couches.
Oh, and it appears that magic is real.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Clucking Awesome!
So my wife Kristin and I have four chickens. Their names are Trevor, Zach, Darren and Sam, after the other Whitest Kids/dumbest names we could think of. They're still very young but starting to get really big and today I was lifting one and it clucked! So I guess that means we're doing a good job at keeping them from dying.
Chickens are hilarious. They have this air about them that they seem to think they're way more important than anything else ever. They'll puff their chest out and act all indignant if you try to pick them up or change their water, and then they'll do something stupid like walk on another chicken's head or take a dump on it's own feathers. So basically, chickens are arrogant retarded assholes, but we love them because they have pretty feathers.
Chickens are hilarious. They have this air about them that they seem to think they're way more important than anything else ever. They'll puff their chest out and act all indignant if you try to pick them up or change their water, and then they'll do something stupid like walk on another chicken's head or take a dump on it's own feathers. So basically, chickens are arrogant retarded assholes, but we love them because they have pretty feathers.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Looking At The Moon Up Close
The other night I got to go to a big telescope with my favorite person and look at the moon really really up close. You feel awesome yet insignificant when you're looking at a canyon the size of the city you're standing in* on a ball of rock that's about 30 babillion miles away from you. It was incredible how much detail you could make out on the surface! If you squinted really hard you could almost make out Oprah's Secret Moon Castle**.
Also, Saturn looks like a sticker of Saturn.
We're writing the Whitest Kids' third season right now, and I'm pretty excited! We're preparing tons of fun stuff, but unfortunately it looks like I will once again fail my grandmother in making a show that's okay for her to watch.
*Los Angeles, for those of you pushing stick pins into your patented "Timmy's Travels" map.
**I bet you didn't even know about that, did you?
***There is no need for this third footnote. It is a dirty and unwanted orphan.
Also, Saturn looks like a sticker of Saturn.
We're writing the Whitest Kids' third season right now, and I'm pretty excited! We're preparing tons of fun stuff, but unfortunately it looks like I will once again fail my grandmother in making a show that's okay for her to watch.
*Los Angeles, for those of you pushing stick pins into your patented "Timmy's Travels" map.
**I bet you didn't even know about that, did you?
***There is no need for this third footnote. It is a dirty and unwanted orphan.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Things and Stuff
New Orleans was the bomb-diggity! Lotsa funny times, drankin and eating crawdads! Thumbs up!
Watching my head get blown off on TV was awesome. Check that off the list!
I’m pretty sure the guy that delivered my food just now knew that I was pantsless until about thirty seconds before opening the door.
Here’s my new favorite band:
In case that video raises any questions, I do in fact like girls, by the way.
Watching my head get blown off on TV was awesome. Check that off the list!
I’m pretty sure the guy that delivered my food just now knew that I was pantsless until about thirty seconds before opening the door.
Here’s my new favorite band:
In case that video raises any questions, I do in fact like girls, by the way.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
My ear hurts
I have an earache. I thought only babies get that! Maybe I’m a giant baby. That would certainly explain all this diaper rash.
Some times I actually do my hair. That means I just run my hand through it with PhotoBooth open.
Lately I’ve bought a few shirts that DO NOT have pictures of animals on them. A distrubing trend to say the least.
My cat licks my cable box.
I am not very good at Scrabble but am very very good at Uno.
That movie Doomsday is crazy. I loved it, but not everyone will. Just sayin’.
That song "Here Comes the Hotstepper" just started playing on my iTunes. Time to go!
Some times I actually do my hair. That means I just run my hand through it with PhotoBooth open.
Lately I’ve bought a few shirts that DO NOT have pictures of animals on them. A distrubing trend to say the least.
My cat licks my cable box.
I am not very good at Scrabble but am very very good at Uno.
That movie Doomsday is crazy. I loved it, but not everyone will. Just sayin’.
That song "Here Comes the Hotstepper" just started playing on my iTunes. Time to go!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Did you guys feel that?
We just jumped forward an hour.
The future so far is really awesome (I'm eating Doritos).
The future so far is really awesome (I'm eating Doritos).
A review of "10,000 B.C."
Y'know how with some movies the best way to enjoy them is to check your brain at the door?
Well, in order to enjoy 10,000 B.C. you need to check your brain at the door, blow pot in its face, stomp it into pieces and then shoot it with a shotgun.
That is the end of my review. Thank you for your time.
Well, in order to enjoy 10,000 B.C. you need to check your brain at the door, blow pot in its face, stomp it into pieces and then shoot it with a shotgun.
That is the end of my review. Thank you for your time.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Who What Huh?
Lately, everyone I know has been doing one of two things: getting really sick or appearing on "The Tyra Banks Show." Adam Newman did both!
One of the cooler things I got for swag from the Independent Spirit Awards arrived yesterday: a year-long movie pass! I can get into any AMC theater for free til the end of the year! Awesome! Too bad when I went to go try it out there was nothing but CRAP. Oh well. Maybe I'll go check out that caveman movie that came out today; it looks really historically accurate and informative.
I know cats like to play with their prey, but Spaceship really tortured this mouse the other day before she dealt it the death blow. It was pretty crazy. I wouldn't have been surprised to see her pull out a little tiny rack or iron maiden. Wouldn't that be adorable?
"Lost" is getting really bizarre and awesome. I'm not even sure how they write it anymore. Maybe they don't write it. Maybe it's all improv now. Wouldn't that beadorable awesome?
One of the cooler things I got for swag from the Independent Spirit Awards arrived yesterday: a year-long movie pass! I can get into any AMC theater for free til the end of the year! Awesome! Too bad when I went to go try it out there was nothing but CRAP. Oh well. Maybe I'll go check out that caveman movie that came out today; it looks really historically accurate and informative.
I know cats like to play with their prey, but Spaceship really tortured this mouse the other day before she dealt it the death blow. It was pretty crazy. I wouldn't have been surprised to see her pull out a little tiny rack or iron maiden. Wouldn't that be adorable?
"Lost" is getting really bizarre and awesome. I'm not even sure how they write it anymore. Maybe they don't write it. Maybe it's all improv now. Wouldn't that be
Friday, January 25, 2008
Since I've been back...
Man, I've been pretty busy since I got back to the cit-ay! Wednesday we had a GREAT KoH show and I ad-libbed a Britney Spears joke that I'm pretty excited about. I don't ever do material about stupid stuff like that but I think the quality of the joke and the fact that it's also a dick joke outweighs the fact that it's about Britney Spears and that we really shouldn't be paying any more attention to her. Also I discovered that spending two weeks in California and having to drive every night greatly lowered my alcohol tolerance. I'm glad to be back where I can drink whatever I want and poorly paid subway operators and taxi drivers have to take me home.
Also on Wednesday we did a photo shoot for a magazine where I got to wear a Hannibal Lecter mask.
Yesterday I watched a bunch of Monty Python (which I'm also doing today). I used to feel like watching them was like going to school but now that I feel the Whitest Kids have kind of established our own style, I can just watch other sketch comedy and enjoy it rather than study it. I still wish we had British accents though.
I also finally figured out the opening scene for an action movie I've been "writing" for like three years now. Now that I can't do anything with it (the strike) I might as well actually work on it, right? I'm backwards. And no, I won't tell you what it's about but I will say that if made it will include a scene of me lifting weights, and I think we all wanna see that special effects extravaganza, right?
Okay.
Also on Wednesday we did a photo shoot for a magazine where I got to wear a Hannibal Lecter mask.
Yesterday I watched a bunch of Monty Python (which I'm also doing today). I used to feel like watching them was like going to school but now that I feel the Whitest Kids have kind of established our own style, I can just watch other sketch comedy and enjoy it rather than study it. I still wish we had British accents though.
I also finally figured out the opening scene for an action movie I've been "writing" for like three years now. Now that I can't do anything with it (the strike) I might as well actually work on it, right? I'm backwards. And no, I won't tell you what it's about but I will say that if made it will include a scene of me lifting weights, and I think we all wanna see that special effects extravaganza, right?
Okay.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
WHY AM I UP?
I have to audition for a commercial in, like, seven hours. It's for a whipped cream, so at least I'm very familiar (too familiar?) with my subject.
When I'm on my deathbed and thinking back on my life and everything that I have accomplished, I'll probably be pretty upset about how many times I've clapped and didn't really mean it.
The next stage of human evolution is the Asshole. There's already TONS of prototypes.
Earlier tonight I was forced into a "Support The Troops" round of applause by some dude that's being shipped off to Afghanistan next week. It sucks that you have to go somewhere and have mean people shoot at you and everything, but don't make me applaud for you just because you SIGNED UP FOR SOMETHING THAT IS DANGEROUS. That's why I won't make people cheer for me once I finally join The International Federation Of Competitive Eaters.
Once you break it down to the basics, there's really only two life paths that a person can follow: The Happy Retard or The Heartbroken Genius.
I really only typed all this shit down so that I can remember it for my stand-up set on Wednesday. I hope that doesn't lessen your experience.
Brooklyn is Better.
Good night!
When I'm on my deathbed and thinking back on my life and everything that I have accomplished, I'll probably be pretty upset about how many times I've clapped and didn't really mean it.
The next stage of human evolution is the Asshole. There's already TONS of prototypes.
Earlier tonight I was forced into a "Support The Troops" round of applause by some dude that's being shipped off to Afghanistan next week. It sucks that you have to go somewhere and have mean people shoot at you and everything, but don't make me applaud for you just because you SIGNED UP FOR SOMETHING THAT IS DANGEROUS. That's why I won't make people cheer for me once I finally join The International Federation Of Competitive Eaters.
Once you break it down to the basics, there's really only two life paths that a person can follow: The Happy Retard or The Heartbroken Genius.
I really only typed all this shit down so that I can remember it for my stand-up set on Wednesday. I hope that doesn't lessen your experience.
Brooklyn is Better.
Good night!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Creek and the Cave Comedy Combo!
Hey dudes! There's lots of comedy happening at the Creek and The Cave! it's this awesome bar in Queens! Tonight, Saturday, and Next Wednesday are some sick-ass shows and they're all FREE! Come on down!
Tonight The Jerk Practice kicks off '08 with some funny sketches and funny guests, including me! That starts at 8!
Then Saturday...
50 FIRST JOKES is happening Saturday, January 5th!!! We are kicking off a new year of NYC Comedy by having FIFTY + Comedians tell their first joke of 2008. This is gonna be huge!!! We're gonna party at The Creek and The Cave (coolest bar ever) all night long…It's gonna be MAKEOUT CENTRAL!!! Not to be missed…
Presented to you by John F. O'Donnell, Claudia Cogan and Jiwon Lee
Starring: JESSE POPP, SAM BROWN, WILL FRANKEN, GIULIA ROZZI, BRANDY & SARA, HEATHER FINK, ERIK BERGSTROM, BRENT SULLIVAN, SEAN O'CONNOR, VICTOR VARNADO, BENARI POULTEN, SETH HERZOG, ADAM NEWMAN , CHESLEE CALLOWAY, JON FRIEDMAN, BRYCE RICHARDSON, KUMAIL NANJIANI, SEAN PATTON, ELIZA FARIA-SANTOS, JAMIE LEE, CHARLES STAR , LANG FISHER, ROGER HAILES,VINCE AVERILL, JORDAN CARLOS, ERIC ANDRE , MATT RUBY, MARGOT LEITMAN, DAN NEWBOWER, NICK MARITATO, KATINA CORRAO, CRAIG BALDO, MATT MCCARTHY, LIVIA SCOTT, CAROLYN CASTIGLIA, GLENNIS MCMURRAY, AUBREY TENNANT, OREN BRIMER, JAY BOIS, CASSIDY HENNEHAN, BECKY CILETTI, JACKIE MONAHAN, SARA BENINCASA, ANDREW WRIGHT, TOM MCCAFFREY, RACHAEL PARENTA, BRAD STEUERNAGEL, DAN CURRY, TIMMY WILLIAMS, THE JERK PRACTICE, JOHN KNEFEL, JOSH FILIPOWSKI, LISA KAPLAN, RG DANIELS, GREG JOHNSON, GABE AND JENNY, CLAUDIA COGAN, JOHN F. O'DONNELL, and JIWON LEE
Then next Wednesday the 9th is the first KINGDOM OF HEAVEN of 2008! I won't be there but John Mulaney will! You've seen him on Conan O'Brien and various other televised programs, and he has 20 minutes of non-stop amazingness prepared for you!
And this all goes down at:
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
718-706-8783
By Subway
7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.
G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
By Bus
Q67 to Jackson and 46th ave.
B61 to 49th Ave.
Tonight The Jerk Practice kicks off '08 with some funny sketches and funny guests, including me! That starts at 8!
Then Saturday...
50 FIRST JOKES is happening Saturday, January 5th!!! We are kicking off a new year of NYC Comedy by having FIFTY + Comedians tell their first joke of 2008. This is gonna be huge!!! We're gonna party at The Creek and The Cave (coolest bar ever) all night long…It's gonna be MAKEOUT CENTRAL!!! Not to be missed…
Presented to you by John F. O'Donnell, Claudia Cogan and Jiwon Lee
Starring: JESSE POPP, SAM BROWN, WILL FRANKEN, GIULIA ROZZI, BRANDY & SARA, HEATHER FINK, ERIK BERGSTROM, BRENT SULLIVAN, SEAN O'CONNOR, VICTOR VARNADO, BENARI POULTEN, SETH HERZOG, ADAM NEWMAN , CHESLEE CALLOWAY, JON FRIEDMAN, BRYCE RICHARDSON, KUMAIL NANJIANI, SEAN PATTON, ELIZA FARIA-SANTOS, JAMIE LEE, CHARLES STAR , LANG FISHER, ROGER HAILES,VINCE AVERILL, JORDAN CARLOS, ERIC ANDRE , MATT RUBY, MARGOT LEITMAN, DAN NEWBOWER, NICK MARITATO, KATINA CORRAO, CRAIG BALDO, MATT MCCARTHY, LIVIA SCOTT, CAROLYN CASTIGLIA, GLENNIS MCMURRAY, AUBREY TENNANT, OREN BRIMER, JAY BOIS, CASSIDY HENNEHAN, BECKY CILETTI, JACKIE MONAHAN, SARA BENINCASA, ANDREW WRIGHT, TOM MCCAFFREY, RACHAEL PARENTA, BRAD STEUERNAGEL, DAN CURRY, TIMMY WILLIAMS, THE JERK PRACTICE, JOHN KNEFEL, JOSH FILIPOWSKI, LISA KAPLAN, RG DANIELS, GREG JOHNSON, GABE AND JENNY, CLAUDIA COGAN, JOHN F. O'DONNELL, and JIWON LEE
Then next Wednesday the 9th is the first KINGDOM OF HEAVEN of 2008! I won't be there but John Mulaney will! You've seen him on Conan O'Brien and various other televised programs, and he has 20 minutes of non-stop amazingness prepared for you!
And this all goes down at:
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
718-706-8783
By Subway
7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.
G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
By Bus
Q67 to Jackson and 46th ave.
B61 to 49th Ave.
Monday, December 31, 2007
The Future!
I haven't written a blog in a while, so here's one of those "2007 is over" blogs.
Well, 2007 is over and this year was totally fucking INSANE! I got a TV show, started the best Open Mic Comedy show ever, quit smoking, made another season of a TV show, and have eaten tons and tons of tacos! There was also a bunch of other good stuff that happened, but my mom reads this blog now.
But I think 2008 will be even better! It's starting off with brand new episodes of my favorite TV show ever!
"LOST!"
And also, new episodes of that show I make with those dudes.
I'm not really into New Year's resolutions, but I still make some every year because I am weak. In 2008, I intend to:
1. Really spend some serious time with my Nintendo Wii.
2. Figure out why I keep receiving a catalog for "Women's Fantasy Gifts" containing items such as Elvish door knockers, fairy earrings, and those Snow White shirts with the sexy lace thing.
3. Help Spaceship kick her plastic-eating addiction.
4. Buy some jeans.
5. Destroy Scientology (I make this a resolution every year and will continue to until it happens).
Happy New Year!
Well, 2007 is over and this year was totally fucking INSANE! I got a TV show, started the best Open Mic Comedy show ever, quit smoking, made another season of a TV show, and have eaten tons and tons of tacos! There was also a bunch of other good stuff that happened, but my mom reads this blog now.
But I think 2008 will be even better! It's starting off with brand new episodes of my favorite TV show ever!
"LOST!"
And also, new episodes of that show I make with those dudes.
I'm not really into New Year's resolutions, but I still make some every year because I am weak. In 2008, I intend to:
1. Really spend some serious time with my Nintendo Wii.
2. Figure out why I keep receiving a catalog for "Women's Fantasy Gifts" containing items such as Elvish door knockers, fairy earrings, and those Snow White shirts with the sexy lace thing.
3. Help Spaceship kick her plastic-eating addiction.
4. Buy some jeans.
5. Destroy Scientology (I make this a resolution every year and will continue to until it happens).
Happy New Year!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thoughts Over Leftovers
I'm just sitting here gnawing on a leftover turkey wing from yesterday's DELICIOUS Thanksgiving meal at my friend Cristalle's house and realized I haven't written a blog in like a week or so! Blasphemy!
Yes, I've seen "2Girls1Cup." Yes, I have seen worse. No, I am not a weirdo; I just am very unlucky.
Why the FUCK don't they show "Jurassic Park" on Thanksgiving anymore? I mean, I like it's replacement, "The Incredibles," just as much as the next guy, but when I'm eating dead bird I want to watch the ancestors of birds eat people! Is that so wrong? "Independence Day" was on though, so at least we got out Goldblum fix.
My brother's girlfriend moved here and has a job interview today, Black Friday, at Macy's, the largest department store in the world! WHY are they letting people in there for job interviews? Are they just gonna put her to work immediately? What-huh?!?
I am sooooo into Van Halen now you guys. Just the David Lee Roth stuff though. I can't stand Sammy Hagar. Anyone that calls himself "The Red Rocker" doesn't deserve to live. Does he even have red hair? Or is it because his voice makes people bleed from the ears?
I am not going to see that Johnny Depp barber movie. I think Tim Burton has officially lost his magic. When was his last good one? "Mars Attacks?"
My cat wants to eat this turkey so bad that just watching me eat it is making her purr.
Yes, I've seen "2Girls1Cup." Yes, I have seen worse. No, I am not a weirdo; I just am very unlucky.
Why the FUCK don't they show "Jurassic Park" on Thanksgiving anymore? I mean, I like it's replacement, "The Incredibles," just as much as the next guy, but when I'm eating dead bird I want to watch the ancestors of birds eat people! Is that so wrong? "Independence Day" was on though, so at least we got out Goldblum fix.
My brother's girlfriend moved here and has a job interview today, Black Friday, at Macy's, the largest department store in the world! WHY are they letting people in there for job interviews? Are they just gonna put her to work immediately? What-huh?!?
I am sooooo into Van Halen now you guys. Just the David Lee Roth stuff though. I can't stand Sammy Hagar. Anyone that calls himself "The Red Rocker" doesn't deserve to live. Does he even have red hair? Or is it because his voice makes people bleed from the ears?
I am not going to see that Johnny Depp barber movie. I think Tim Burton has officially lost his magic. When was his last good one? "Mars Attacks?"
My cat wants to eat this turkey so bad that just watching me eat it is making her purr.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Weekend of Humor!
Hey Kids! This weekend I'm bein' funny all over the place!
Today The Creek and The Cave is having something called the Crazytown Fest! It's a huge, 14-hour long party with bands and food and drink specials and probably a lot of shuffleboard! It's 20 bucks to get in but will be so worth it. All proceeds go to helping them soundproof their theater. This place desperately needs to be soundproofed. They get noise complaints about comedy shows, which is just silly. So come on down and help them keep the Man off their backs!
12pm-4am
20$
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.
G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
Then tonight I'm performing at the Drunken Focus Group show at Limerick Bar!
Drunken Focus Group
9:45
Limerick House
69 w.23rd st btwn 5th and 6th aves (next to Duane Reade)
F/N/R to 23rd st.
And then tomorrow, of course, is SCUM AND VILLAINY!
Scum and Villainy
Pianos (158 Ludlow, corner of Ludlow and Stanton in the LES)
FREE
With Craig Baldo, Anthony Jeselnik, Greg Johnson, Pat O'Shea and Giulia Rozzi
Today The Creek and The Cave is having something called the Crazytown Fest! It's a huge, 14-hour long party with bands and food and drink specials and probably a lot of shuffleboard! It's 20 bucks to get in but will be so worth it. All proceeds go to helping them soundproof their theater. This place desperately needs to be soundproofed. They get noise complaints about comedy shows, which is just silly. So come on down and help them keep the Man off their backs!
12pm-4am
20$
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.
G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
Then tonight I'm performing at the Drunken Focus Group show at Limerick Bar!
Drunken Focus Group
9:45
Limerick House
69 w.23rd st btwn 5th and 6th aves (next to Duane Reade)
F/N/R to 23rd st.
And then tomorrow, of course, is SCUM AND VILLAINY!
Scum and Villainy
Pianos (158 Ludlow, corner of Ludlow and Stanton in the LES)
FREE
With Craig Baldo, Anthony Jeselnik, Greg Johnson, Pat O'Shea and Giulia Rozzi
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