Hey y'all! The Whitest Kids have been picked up for season two on Fuse! Yippee! Here's an article about it:
AWESOME!!!
Thanks to everyone who's been watching!
And here's an interview I did about the Whitest Kids for Trashwire:
Neat!
Friday, May 11, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Get it together, New York City!
I love New York. I really do. It's a great city, and it's been very good to me. I have bled and sweated and cried for this town, and in return it's given me a very awesome last couple of years. I think it's one of the greatest places in existence!
That being said, this town has been fucking retarded the last few days.
First off, why in the blazes can't I get a cell phone signal in BROOKLYN?!?!? Last night I was trying to text Shandi a very important answer to a very important Guitar Hero-related question, and my phone wouldn't send it out, despite showing full service. I tried to send it like eleven times and it never worked. Trevor was having the exact same problem! Then today I was talking to my mom and my phone dropped the signal like seven times in five minutes! Did someone activate some kind of anti-signal bubble this week that I wasn't informed of? The Center of the Universe, the Babylon of the 21st Century, the Financial Epicenter of the World, is RIGHT ACROSS THE RIVER, and yet we can't get decent cell phone service? Double you tee eff?
And then there was this "deli" that Trevor and I attempted to eat at in Williamsburg this afternoon. The sign said "Deli" and there were people standing outside of the place eating sandwiches, but when we went inside there were no menus anywhere, no people behind the counter, nothing that looked like sandwiches or sandwich ingredients behind the counter, and a big stack of canned tomatoes on a shelf! That was the only visible item, and they looked like they may have just been for display! Then we walked further back into the establishment and were in a weird empty bar kind of place with an old pizza sitting on the counter (also possibly for "display only"). I still have no idea what the hell that place was trying to be or where those people outside got their sandwiches. Maybe they brought the sandwiches from home because they knew they'd be hanging out at the non-deli.
So tonight we tried to go to a record release party as "VIPs." Krista was kind enough to get us in on the list, and they sat us in this "VIP" section on couches, which was cool. We got to soak in the feeling of seeming important for, oh, about two minutes when we got kicked off for not buying a bottle of gin. The same gin that was FREE AT THE BAR! Clever, club, very clever, but you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning, or offer me a big bucket of tacos, to pull one over on old Timmy Williams!
Can you tell that the person writing this hasn't smoked in nine days?
So anyways, it's not like I'm gonna move away or anything; I'm just saying that New York has been acting a little oafish lately. This city needs to awesome it up a little bit. I'm paying my rent on time and putting up with train delays; time to hold up YOUR end of the bargain, NYC.
Yeah, this whole rant totally screams "I'm quitting smoking."
That being said, this town has been fucking retarded the last few days.
First off, why in the blazes can't I get a cell phone signal in BROOKLYN?!?!? Last night I was trying to text Shandi a very important answer to a very important Guitar Hero-related question, and my phone wouldn't send it out, despite showing full service. I tried to send it like eleven times and it never worked. Trevor was having the exact same problem! Then today I was talking to my mom and my phone dropped the signal like seven times in five minutes! Did someone activate some kind of anti-signal bubble this week that I wasn't informed of? The Center of the Universe, the Babylon of the 21st Century, the Financial Epicenter of the World, is RIGHT ACROSS THE RIVER, and yet we can't get decent cell phone service? Double you tee eff?
And then there was this "deli" that Trevor and I attempted to eat at in Williamsburg this afternoon. The sign said "Deli" and there were people standing outside of the place eating sandwiches, but when we went inside there were no menus anywhere, no people behind the counter, nothing that looked like sandwiches or sandwich ingredients behind the counter, and a big stack of canned tomatoes on a shelf! That was the only visible item, and they looked like they may have just been for display! Then we walked further back into the establishment and were in a weird empty bar kind of place with an old pizza sitting on the counter (also possibly for "display only"). I still have no idea what the hell that place was trying to be or where those people outside got their sandwiches. Maybe they brought the sandwiches from home because they knew they'd be hanging out at the non-deli.
So tonight we tried to go to a record release party as "VIPs." Krista was kind enough to get us in on the list, and they sat us in this "VIP" section on couches, which was cool. We got to soak in the feeling of seeming important for, oh, about two minutes when we got kicked off for not buying a bottle of gin. The same gin that was FREE AT THE BAR! Clever, club, very clever, but you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning, or offer me a big bucket of tacos, to pull one over on old Timmy Williams!
Can you tell that the person writing this hasn't smoked in nine days?
So anyways, it's not like I'm gonna move away or anything; I'm just saying that New York has been acting a little oafish lately. This city needs to awesome it up a little bit. I'm paying my rent on time and putting up with train delays; time to hold up YOUR end of the bargain, NYC.
Yeah, this whole rant totally screams "I'm quitting smoking."
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Pills Time
I'm going to buy some sleeping pills today and end it all.
Oh! No! Not like that! I meant my insomnia! I want to end my insomnia!
You see, lately I haven't been sleeping well at all and I don't know why. It takes me forever to fall asleep and I wake up really early. I was thinking that maybe quitting smoking and not drinking very much would help, but no dice. Maybe if I drank a LOT and then took some sleeping pills...no, wait. I don't want to sleep that well.
Maybe I should rig up one of those Fred Flintstone-style bowling ball alarm clock things, but just use it to put me to sleep rather than wake me up.
Yeah. I think I'll do that.
Oh! No! Not like that! I meant my insomnia! I want to end my insomnia!
You see, lately I haven't been sleeping well at all and I don't know why. It takes me forever to fall asleep and I wake up really early. I was thinking that maybe quitting smoking and not drinking very much would help, but no dice. Maybe if I drank a LOT and then took some sleeping pills...no, wait. I don't want to sleep that well.
Maybe I should rig up one of those Fred Flintstone-style bowling ball alarm clock things, but just use it to put me to sleep rather than wake me up.
Yeah. I think I'll do that.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Cabbies. Plastic. Beer flies.
I know this is teetering on the Seinfeldian, but I'd like to complain about cabbies and their wireless cellphone headsets for a little bit. Whenever these guys use these little things to contact whatever non-America they're from, it distracts them from listening to my directions. My apartment isn't too hard to get to, and I normally give pretty detailed directions right when I get in. Last night though, this guy was too busy chit-chatting in some crazy language instead of listening to me when I told him which street to turn onto off of Greenpoint Ave. So instead of asking me, he just sloooowly creeps down Greenpoint as BICYCLES PASS US, until I tell him where to turn. I don't even know what he was trying to do, but it made me mad and I wanted to write about it.
Okay. Now on to the plastic. I buy my cat, Spaceship, new toys every once in a while, but like a toddler playing with the box his Christmas present comes in, she's more into the simple pleasures. Last week I purchased an Xbox 360, FOR HER, and she instead just plays with the little plastic tie thing that held the controller in there (it's like those little plastic things the cops use when they think the person they're arresting is too poor for actual handcuffs). So now I'm stuck with this amazing video game system that my cat won't even play with! Luckily I found that they have a number of entertaining titles for humans as well, so I do partake from time to time, particularly in the title in which you drive a car as fast as you can into an intersection and try to cause as much damage as possible. Quite exhilarating.
I had a kegger a few weeks ago. It was a smashing success, and by that I mean "way too many people showed up, the beer was drank way too fast, and I didn't get to eat any of the huge sandwich that I bought." It was seriously a lot of fun though, and the night ended with Shandi soundly defeating a bottle of Jameson and locking several of the Whitest Kids out onto the fire escape. Even though the keg was emptied that night, I for some reason decided to take it back to the beer store TODAY. This was a mistake, especially because I had it sealed in a Tupperware trash can this whole time, and when I opened the can, I was met with a most unwelcome odor and an even more unwelcome CLOUD OF BUGS! Where did these bugs come from?!? I think they were born out of the bad beer! Are they the same kind of bugs that fly out of sack of rotten bananas? Should I grow an army of these bugs and then attempt to conquer Brooklyn? Hard-hitting questions, yes, but questions that MUST be asked.
I can't believe I just wrote that much about three stupid subjects. I'm gonna go pet Princess some more.
Okay. Now on to the plastic. I buy my cat, Spaceship, new toys every once in a while, but like a toddler playing with the box his Christmas present comes in, she's more into the simple pleasures. Last week I purchased an Xbox 360, FOR HER, and she instead just plays with the little plastic tie thing that held the controller in there (it's like those little plastic things the cops use when they think the person they're arresting is too poor for actual handcuffs). So now I'm stuck with this amazing video game system that my cat won't even play with! Luckily I found that they have a number of entertaining titles for humans as well, so I do partake from time to time, particularly in the title in which you drive a car as fast as you can into an intersection and try to cause as much damage as possible. Quite exhilarating.
I had a kegger a few weeks ago. It was a smashing success, and by that I mean "way too many people showed up, the beer was drank way too fast, and I didn't get to eat any of the huge sandwich that I bought." It was seriously a lot of fun though, and the night ended with Shandi soundly defeating a bottle of Jameson and locking several of the Whitest Kids out onto the fire escape. Even though the keg was emptied that night, I for some reason decided to take it back to the beer store TODAY. This was a mistake, especially because I had it sealed in a Tupperware trash can this whole time, and when I opened the can, I was met with a most unwelcome odor and an even more unwelcome CLOUD OF BUGS! Where did these bugs come from?!? I think they were born out of the bad beer! Are they the same kind of bugs that fly out of sack of rotten bananas? Should I grow an army of these bugs and then attempt to conquer Brooklyn? Hard-hitting questions, yes, but questions that MUST be asked.
I can't believe I just wrote that much about three stupid subjects. I'm gonna go pet Princess some more.
Soooooo manly.
I am holding a tiny little chihuahua named Princess in my left hand while I type this from an adorable British fabric store.
I am the echelon of masculinity.
More later regarding plastic, cabbies, and bugs created by old beer.
I am the echelon of masculinity.
More later regarding plastic, cabbies, and bugs created by old beer.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
The State of the Galaxy
Y'know, with all these stories of NASA astronauts trying to kill eachother lately, I've become awfully worried that our society is moving far too quickly towards becoming "Star Wars."
And now we're one step closer.
What will we have next, intelligent-yet-spunky little droids running around?
Oh shit.
And now we're one step closer.
What will we have next, intelligent-yet-spunky little droids running around?
Oh shit.
I Quit Quitting Quitting
What I mean is, I've quit smoking again. I'm on Day 3.
The first time I quit was for an entire year. During that time, I had an office job at which I sat on my ass all the time, and I ate lots and lots of food whenever I wanted a cigarette. Now, I may have already had some pizza and ice cream today, but I by no means have been gorging like I did the first time I quit smoking, and I've already been walking about 30 or 45 minutes every day since I quit, so I think my Chubby Level will remain at "Adorable" and hopefully won't ever venture into "Gross."
Also, I now have an Xbox, which I can play whenever I want to smoke. In fact, I think I actually bought the Xbox when I wanted a cigarette the other day. Maybe if I really want one later on I'll buy something else cool, like a TV, or a bullet-proof vest.
A few other things will also help me quit this time around. Firstly, it's been real nice outside lately, and I always feel worse blowing smoke into a clear blue sky than I do into a rain cloud. I mean, the storm clouds already look like smoke anyways, so who cares? Right? Right?
Also, I have enough friends that don't smoke now, and I can hang out with them. About 99% of the comedians I hang out with smoke, though, so I guess that means I'll be chilling with the karaoke kids exclusively for a while until I kick the habit.
Congratulations, comedy friends!
The first time I quit was for an entire year. During that time, I had an office job at which I sat on my ass all the time, and I ate lots and lots of food whenever I wanted a cigarette. Now, I may have already had some pizza and ice cream today, but I by no means have been gorging like I did the first time I quit smoking, and I've already been walking about 30 or 45 minutes every day since I quit, so I think my Chubby Level will remain at "Adorable" and hopefully won't ever venture into "Gross."
Also, I now have an Xbox, which I can play whenever I want to smoke. In fact, I think I actually bought the Xbox when I wanted a cigarette the other day. Maybe if I really want one later on I'll buy something else cool, like a TV, or a bullet-proof vest.
A few other things will also help me quit this time around. Firstly, it's been real nice outside lately, and I always feel worse blowing smoke into a clear blue sky than I do into a rain cloud. I mean, the storm clouds already look like smoke anyways, so who cares? Right? Right?
Also, I have enough friends that don't smoke now, and I can hang out with them. About 99% of the comedians I hang out with smoke, though, so I guess that means I'll be chilling with the karaoke kids exclusively for a while until I kick the habit.
Congratulations, comedy friends!
Naked Party 2007!
So tonight brings us the very first "Tops or Bottoms" party at Plan B. Basically what's going on is this: Shandi and Jesse are DJing their normal "Dang!" party, but if you show up lacking pants and/or a shirt, you get some sort of drink special or something. I believe that underwear is preferred, but I bet it won't go more than an hour or so before private parts start flying around the room.
I actually need to go shopping for some black socks to complete my "outfit." That's weird. I NEVER buy clothes but now that I'm going to one that emphasizes the removal of clothing, I'm gonna go buy some. That's crazy!
I actually need to go shopping for some black socks to complete my "outfit." That's weird. I NEVER buy clothes but now that I'm going to one that emphasizes the removal of clothing, I'm gonna go buy some. That's crazy!
Okay, I'm Back
Yeah, I haven't written a proper blog in a while. How dare I? Here's some excuses:
My friend Amber visited for a week and we spent most of the time eating way too much, and then walking it off, and then eating more. It worked out pretty well.
Also, I bought an Xbox 360. All five Whitest Kids have one now, and we're probably gonna start writing sketches while we play "Call of Duty 3." Expect every new sketch from here on out to be about World War II.
Also, it's been criminally nice outside. I live in a pretty good "walkin' around" neighborhood, so I enjoy strolling through Greenpoint, taking in the various smells (normally either poop, bread, or fire) and watching the old drunks hobble around until the bar opens. It's lovely.
Also, I spent one evening watching the auto shop across the street burn to the ground. That was crazy!
Also, I've been napping a lot. There' really not anything funny I can say about that. It's actually kind of sad.
I know that none of these are very good excuses. I wish I could say something like "I didn't write a blog for a week because I was skydiving with Sean Connery" or something, but I can't lie to you guys. I just love you too much.
My friend Amber visited for a week and we spent most of the time eating way too much, and then walking it off, and then eating more. It worked out pretty well.
Also, I bought an Xbox 360. All five Whitest Kids have one now, and we're probably gonna start writing sketches while we play "Call of Duty 3." Expect every new sketch from here on out to be about World War II.
Also, it's been criminally nice outside. I live in a pretty good "walkin' around" neighborhood, so I enjoy strolling through Greenpoint, taking in the various smells (normally either poop, bread, or fire) and watching the old drunks hobble around until the bar opens. It's lovely.
Also, I spent one evening watching the auto shop across the street burn to the ground. That was crazy!
Also, I've been napping a lot. There' really not anything funny I can say about that. It's actually kind of sad.
I know that none of these are very good excuses. I wish I could say something like "I didn't write a blog for a week because I was skydiving with Sean Connery" or something, but I can't lie to you guys. I just love you too much.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Me and Andrew WK talking about comics! LIVE!
This will be one of the crowning achievements of my life thus far. I not only get to go talk about comic books in front of a live audience, but I also get to do so with one of the coolest rocker/lecturers out there, Andrew W.K.! And to top it all off, I get to read a bunch of comic books tonight (in order to prepare for the show) and pretend that it's work! Yeah!
COMIC BOOK CLUB
A Live Weekly Talk Show about Comic Books
Hosted by Justin Tyler, Pete LePage, and Alex Zalben
Tuesday, April 24th @ 9:30 PM
Andrew W.K. (The Wolf, Party Hard)
Timmy Williams (Whitest Kids U Know, Fuse TV)
& Musical Guest Leslie Korein!
Tickets: $5
Online: ThePIT-NYC.com
Phone: 1-800-838-3006
Questions? 212-563-7488
The Peoples Improv Theater
154 West 29th Street, 2nd Floor
Between 6th and 7th Aves.
COMIC BOOK CLUB
A Live Weekly Talk Show about Comic Books
Hosted by Justin Tyler, Pete LePage, and Alex Zalben
Tuesday, April 24th @ 9:30 PM
Andrew W.K. (The Wolf, Party Hard)
Timmy Williams (Whitest Kids U Know, Fuse TV)
& Musical Guest Leslie Korein!
Tickets: $5
Online: ThePIT-NYC.com
Phone: 1-800-838-3006
Questions? 212-563-7488
The Peoples Improv Theater
154 West 29th Street, 2nd Floor
Between 6th and 7th Aves.
Things I have learned since my last blog posting
Hot green tea with honey and a slice of lime is way better than hot green tea with honey and a slice of lemon.
My cabbie Rauf also went to Brooklyn College. He didn't drop out though.
Boris Yeltsin is NOT invincible.
Honduras is full of little kids with handguns.
I will probably suffer a massive heart attack and die tomorrow at about 9:35 PM.
That last sentence will only make sense after reading the posting that I am going to put up right after this one.
If you take one pasty dude and put him on a beach in South America for five months and take another pasty dude and stick him in Brooklyn for the same amount of time, the dude in South America will probably end up being much tanner than the dude in Brooklyn. He will also probably be married to a Briton.
My friend Amber is visiting soon and we're going to conquer Greenpoint.
Gatorade is delicious.
My cabbie Rauf also went to Brooklyn College. He didn't drop out though.
Boris Yeltsin is NOT invincible.
Honduras is full of little kids with handguns.
I will probably suffer a massive heart attack and die tomorrow at about 9:35 PM.
That last sentence will only make sense after reading the posting that I am going to put up right after this one.
If you take one pasty dude and put him on a beach in South America for five months and take another pasty dude and stick him in Brooklyn for the same amount of time, the dude in South America will probably end up being much tanner than the dude in Brooklyn. He will also probably be married to a Briton.
My friend Amber is visiting soon and we're going to conquer Greenpoint.
Gatorade is delicious.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN STARTING LATE TOMORROW!
Hey y'all, the Kingdom of Heaven, Queen's BEST comedy show, is starting late tomorrow. The show will start at 10, and if you wanna perform, show up at 9:30 to sign up! Please know that we will only let 10 open-mic'ers perform. You must sign up at 9:30! Okay?!?!?!?!?!?
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
@The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
Wednesday, April 4th
10pm, Open Mic sign-up at 9:30
FREE
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
www.thecreekandthecave.com
How do yo get there?
Take the sweet SUBWAY!
G train to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south
(away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
7 train to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto
Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E train or V train to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave.
Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave.
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
(718) 706-8783
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
@The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
Wednesday, April 4th
10pm, Open Mic sign-up at 9:30
FREE
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
www.thecreekandthecave.com
How do yo get there?
Take the sweet SUBWAY!
G train to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south
(away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
7 train to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto
Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E train or V train to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave.
Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave.
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
(718) 706-8783
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Best movie poster ever?
I'm a smart guy, but when it comes to watching movies, I want shit to be as dumb as possible. There's this movie coming out called "The Condemned" that I think will fit the bill very nicely. It's about "Stone Cold" Steve Austin being dropped on an island with a bunch of other badasses and they have to kill eachother for some kind of reality TV show. Sounds awesome, right? Check out how sweet the poster is!
If this doesn't make you want to immediately see this work of art, then I don't know why you even read this thing. Good day.
Also, any film containing the following image automatically gets my money:
I really, honestly, cannot wait.
If this doesn't make you want to immediately see this work of art, then I don't know why you even read this thing. Good day.
Also, any film containing the following image automatically gets my money:
I really, honestly, cannot wait.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Cramps
I bet after reading that title you all thought I was gonna talk about having a period, thereby finally revealing that I am a hermaphrodite, huh?
Nope.
This is about apartments.
Here in New York City, space is a precious commodity. When looking for a new place, you spend tons of time and energy and money over every square inch you can get, trying to find, as Carlin put it, "a place for your stuff."
Now I've actually been pretty lucky in that regard. I currently have a beautiful apartment with lots and lots and lots of space, but once again, as in every place I've ever lived in this fair city, I also have tons of space where I really don't want it...
WHY ARE THESE GODDAMN CEILINGS SO HIGH?!?!? I HAVE TO CHANGE TWO LIGHT BULBS BEFORE THE WHITEST KIDS COME OVER TO HELP ME DRINK THIS FRIDGE FULL OF BEER I HAVE ACQUIRED, AND NOW I HAVE TO "MACGUYVER" TOGETHER SOME KIND OF BIZARRE CONTRAPTION JUST TO ENSURE THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO DRINK LIKE THE CAVEMEN DID?!?! AND WHY AM I SO GODDAMN SHORT ANYWAYS?!?!? I COULD REACH THE LIGHTS EASILY IF I WASN'T SOME BIZARRE HOBBIT-TYPE PERSON! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?
I guess it's not all that bad. Even if we have to drink in the dark, the beer will still be cold, an amenity the cavemen never got to experience. Actually, they never got to experience beer at all. They probably just drank stegosaurus blood or something when it was time to party.
Well, it's time to begin duct-taping my pliers to my mop now.
Nope.
This is about apartments.
Here in New York City, space is a precious commodity. When looking for a new place, you spend tons of time and energy and money over every square inch you can get, trying to find, as Carlin put it, "a place for your stuff."
Now I've actually been pretty lucky in that regard. I currently have a beautiful apartment with lots and lots and lots of space, but once again, as in every place I've ever lived in this fair city, I also have tons of space where I really don't want it...
WHY ARE THESE GODDAMN CEILINGS SO HIGH?!?!? I HAVE TO CHANGE TWO LIGHT BULBS BEFORE THE WHITEST KIDS COME OVER TO HELP ME DRINK THIS FRIDGE FULL OF BEER I HAVE ACQUIRED, AND NOW I HAVE TO "MACGUYVER" TOGETHER SOME KIND OF BIZARRE CONTRAPTION JUST TO ENSURE THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO DRINK LIKE THE CAVEMEN DID?!?! AND WHY AM I SO GODDAMN SHORT ANYWAYS?!?!? I COULD REACH THE LIGHTS EASILY IF I WASN'T SOME BIZARRE HOBBIT-TYPE PERSON! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?
I guess it's not all that bad. Even if we have to drink in the dark, the beer will still be cold, an amenity the cavemen never got to experience. Actually, they never got to experience beer at all. They probably just drank stegosaurus blood or something when it was time to party.
Well, it's time to begin duct-taping my pliers to my mop now.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Gee Whiz
Well, my birthday was awesome. I managed to make it last from exactly 12 AM to about 5 AM the next day. I got a lot of toys, a lot of cupcakes, and a lot of booze. Enjoying them all at once is a pretty awesome thing to do.
Now I'm just sitting here reading an AWFUL script that I'm gong to audition for when I really should be reading "Cat's Cradle." Kurt Vonnegut died today, so I'm going to re-read it, and then read one of his that I haven't yet. Suggestions are welcome.
There's really only two kinds of things that I read anymore: comic books and stuff by Vonnegut or Hunter Thompson. Now that both of them are gone, I suppose I'll have to slow down on reading their stuff so that I can still be reading books of theirs for the first time five years from now. I mean, re-reading things is fun too, but nothing beats discovering new prose by one of the old masters for the first time, and I want to still be doing that in my thirties.
It sucks that now both he and Hunter Thompson are gone. I know they both started their careers in their youth, and I've read their early stuff and it was great, but they became these awesome cantankerous geniuses as they aged. My grandfather Jerry was the same way (without the copious amounts of booze, drugs and cigarettes), and he's gone too. The world is running out of coots. Crazy old men are so much more interesting than crazy young men, and I can't wait until I become the former. I'd better start toning down the latter so I can get there.
R.I.P. Mr. Vonnegut.
Now I'm just sitting here reading an AWFUL script that I'm gong to audition for when I really should be reading "Cat's Cradle." Kurt Vonnegut died today, so I'm going to re-read it, and then read one of his that I haven't yet. Suggestions are welcome.
There's really only two kinds of things that I read anymore: comic books and stuff by Vonnegut or Hunter Thompson. Now that both of them are gone, I suppose I'll have to slow down on reading their stuff so that I can still be reading books of theirs for the first time five years from now. I mean, re-reading things is fun too, but nothing beats discovering new prose by one of the old masters for the first time, and I want to still be doing that in my thirties.
It sucks that now both he and Hunter Thompson are gone. I know they both started their careers in their youth, and I've read their early stuff and it was great, but they became these awesome cantankerous geniuses as they aged. My grandfather Jerry was the same way (without the copious amounts of booze, drugs and cigarettes), and he's gone too. The world is running out of coots. Crazy old men are so much more interesting than crazy young men, and I can't wait until I become the former. I'd better start toning down the latter so I can get there.
R.I.P. Mr. Vonnegut.
Monday, April 09, 2007
A pretty good 24 hours
Well, my last day was pretty good. I found out that the video game "Rock Band" will be released in late 2007. It's like "Guitar Hero," only you can play guitar, bass, drums and VOCALS! And you can play it ONLINE! It's gonna end all of our social lives.
Then I got to spend some quality time with someone I haven't had much quality time with lately, and that was awesome. We played pool and ate sandwiches. We're much better at one than we are at the other. Guess which one.
Then came the only black mark on an otherwise spotless day: my stand-up. I don't know what it is, but I really felt uncomfortable and weird about my set. People were laughing okay, but it was weird. Jordan mentioned that it had something to do with the room being too well-lit, stating that people don't like to laugh in the light, because then other people will see them losing control. That sounds crazy but I think he may be onto something.
So now I'm sitting at home preparing for an audtion, and the character I'm reading for has a description that is probably how people describe me when I'm out of earshot. I would print it here but the script is like super secret or something. Anyways, I feel good about it. I basically just have to walk in there and be Timmy.
So that's all good, right? Then I check out iTunes and find a NEW SONG BY DRAGONFORCE! And I turn 26 at midnight! Holy shit! Awesome!
Then I got to spend some quality time with someone I haven't had much quality time with lately, and that was awesome. We played pool and ate sandwiches. We're much better at one than we are at the other. Guess which one.
Then came the only black mark on an otherwise spotless day: my stand-up. I don't know what it is, but I really felt uncomfortable and weird about my set. People were laughing okay, but it was weird. Jordan mentioned that it had something to do with the room being too well-lit, stating that people don't like to laugh in the light, because then other people will see them losing control. That sounds crazy but I think he may be onto something.
So now I'm sitting at home preparing for an audtion, and the character I'm reading for has a description that is probably how people describe me when I'm out of earshot. I would print it here but the script is like super secret or something. Anyways, I feel good about it. I basically just have to walk in there and be Timmy.
So that's all good, right? Then I check out iTunes and find a NEW SONG BY DRAGONFORCE! And I turn 26 at midnight! Holy shit! Awesome!
Sunday, April 08, 2007
HAY GUISE I'M DOING STANDUP LOL!!!
Hey! Who wants to come see me doing standup on Easter Sunday?!??!? I do! That's why I said "yes" when they asked me to do it!
The Beauty Bar Comedy Show
Hosted by the illustrious Jesse Popp and Vince Averill, who is totally illin
With the Blerds and Timmy Williams
BEAUTY BAR
9:30 pm
231 E 14th Street between 2nd & 3rd
FREE
Plus, if you come, I will give you a piece of Easter candy. Seriously. Just mention this and I'll give you one. It'll be good.
The Beauty Bar Comedy Show
Hosted by the illustrious Jesse Popp and Vince Averill, who is totally illin
With the Blerds and Timmy Williams
BEAUTY BAR
9:30 pm
231 E 14th Street between 2nd & 3rd
FREE
Plus, if you come, I will give you a piece of Easter candy. Seriously. Just mention this and I'll give you one. It'll be good.
Friday, April 06, 2007
I must be pretty secure in my manhood...
...because if I wasn't, I would probably be having a problem with the fact that I'm currently eating Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream and watching "Kill Bill."
Alone.
With my cat.
Alone.
With my cat.
Well, last night was pretty good
I went on my friend Jimmy's radio show and was given the radio nickname "Broomsticks Basket." My catch-phrase was "I'm gonna weave you a new one!"
I saw "Grindhouse" which was totally awesome. I liked Tarantino's part the best. He's good. There was a stupid fat guy sitting behind me who kept saying stuff like "That bitch gonna die" and "She's a standard ho," which were both pretty obvious statements. He might as well just have yelled "I'm at a movie right now!"
I went to Plan B for Shandi and DDrej's DARN! Party and the bartender Emily kept giving me Dewar's on the rocks. "Dewar's on the rocks" is apparently her nickname for me. She has not yet issued me a catch-phrase.
Shandi and Sam and I then went to Pianos for after-hours Guitar Hero. This was a good idea. We also drank more. This was a bad idea. My friend Alex showed me a picture of his new baby, who is adorable. Adorable babies are a great idea.
When I woke up this morning, my nose felt really weird. It itched really bad and I kept feeling like I had to sneeze, but I couldn't. After an hour of this torture, I decided to send in a probe (my index finger) and pulled out a very long cat hair. Thanks, Spaceship. Way to help your master deal with a hangover, buddy. I guess it could be worse, as one member of my partying party is way more hungover than me. You can read her blog if you want to know more about that though.
I saw "Grindhouse" which was totally awesome. I liked Tarantino's part the best. He's good. There was a stupid fat guy sitting behind me who kept saying stuff like "That bitch gonna die" and "She's a standard ho," which were both pretty obvious statements. He might as well just have yelled "I'm at a movie right now!"
I went to Plan B for Shandi and DDrej's DARN! Party and the bartender Emily kept giving me Dewar's on the rocks. "Dewar's on the rocks" is apparently her nickname for me. She has not yet issued me a catch-phrase.
Shandi and Sam and I then went to Pianos for after-hours Guitar Hero. This was a good idea. We also drank more. This was a bad idea. My friend Alex showed me a picture of his new baby, who is adorable. Adorable babies are a great idea.
When I woke up this morning, my nose felt really weird. It itched really bad and I kept feeling like I had to sneeze, but I couldn't. After an hour of this torture, I decided to send in a probe (my index finger) and pulled out a very long cat hair. Thanks, Spaceship. Way to help your master deal with a hangover, buddy. I guess it could be worse, as one member of my partying party is way more hungover than me. You can read her blog if you want to know more about that though.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
@The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
Wednesday, April 4th
8pm
FREE
![Image and video hosting by TinyPic]()
It's called: THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN comedy open mic super hour, and it's happening for the third time this Wednesday! Showtime 8pm. Singup 7:30pm
FREE FOR ALL!
It's run by TIMMY WILLIAMS (HBO Aspen Comedy Fest. Whitest Kids You Know on Fuse) and JOHN F. O'DONNELL (Comedy Central's FRESH FACES of Comedy, CHECK YOUR COOL at the Parkside Lounge)
It's a bi-weekly open mic that cultivates sweet up and comers and then showcases a sweet comedian of merit at the end.
Our third comedian of merit? He lives in California usually!
Anthony Jeselnik
(Comedy Central's Premium Blend, ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live, NBC's Last Call With Carson Daly)
Where's it at?
The greatest place EVER.:
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
www.thecreekandthecave.com
How do yo get there?
Take the sweet SUBWAY!
G train to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
7 train to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E train or V train to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave.
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
(718) 706-8783
Love,
John F. and Timmy
www.myspace.com/timmyandjohn
@The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
Wednesday, April 4th
8pm
FREE
It's called: THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN comedy open mic super hour, and it's happening for the third time this Wednesday! Showtime 8pm. Singup 7:30pm
FREE FOR ALL!
It's run by TIMMY WILLIAMS (HBO Aspen Comedy Fest. Whitest Kids You Know on Fuse) and JOHN F. O'DONNELL (Comedy Central's FRESH FACES of Comedy, CHECK YOUR COOL at the Parkside Lounge)
It's a bi-weekly open mic that cultivates sweet up and comers and then showcases a sweet comedian of merit at the end.
Our third comedian of merit? He lives in California usually!
Anthony Jeselnik
(Comedy Central's Premium Blend, ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live, NBC's Last Call With Carson Daly)
Where's it at?
The greatest place EVER.:
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
www.thecreekandthecave.com
How do yo get there?
Take the sweet SUBWAY!
G train to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
7 train to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E train or V train to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave.
The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, Queens (Just North of Greenpoint, just east of Grand Central)
(718) 706-8783
Love,
John F. and Timmy
www.myspace.com/timmyandjohn
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