I haven't written a blog in a while, so here's one of those "2007 is over" blogs.
Well, 2007 is over and this year was totally fucking INSANE! I got a TV show, started the best Open Mic Comedy show ever, quit smoking, made another season of a TV show, and have eaten tons and tons of tacos! There was also a bunch of other good stuff that happened, but my mom reads this blog now.
But I think 2008 will be even better! It's starting off with brand new episodes of my favorite TV show ever!
"LOST!"
And also, new episodes of that show I make with those dudes.
I'm not really into New Year's resolutions, but I still make some every year because I am weak. In 2008, I intend to:
1. Really spend some serious time with my Nintendo Wii.
2. Figure out why I keep receiving a catalog for "Women's Fantasy Gifts" containing items such as Elvish door knockers, fairy earrings, and those Snow White shirts with the sexy lace thing.
3. Help Spaceship kick her plastic-eating addiction.
4. Buy some jeans.
5. Destroy Scientology (I make this a resolution every year and will continue to until it happens).
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thoughts Over Leftovers
I'm just sitting here gnawing on a leftover turkey wing from yesterday's DELICIOUS Thanksgiving meal at my friend Cristalle's house and realized I haven't written a blog in like a week or so! Blasphemy!
Yes, I've seen "2Girls1Cup." Yes, I have seen worse. No, I am not a weirdo; I just am very unlucky.
Why the FUCK don't they show "Jurassic Park" on Thanksgiving anymore? I mean, I like it's replacement, "The Incredibles," just as much as the next guy, but when I'm eating dead bird I want to watch the ancestors of birds eat people! Is that so wrong? "Independence Day" was on though, so at least we got out Goldblum fix.
My brother's girlfriend moved here and has a job interview today, Black Friday, at Macy's, the largest department store in the world! WHY are they letting people in there for job interviews? Are they just gonna put her to work immediately? What-huh?!?
I am sooooo into Van Halen now you guys. Just the David Lee Roth stuff though. I can't stand Sammy Hagar. Anyone that calls himself "The Red Rocker" doesn't deserve to live. Does he even have red hair? Or is it because his voice makes people bleed from the ears?
I am not going to see that Johnny Depp barber movie. I think Tim Burton has officially lost his magic. When was his last good one? "Mars Attacks?"
My cat wants to eat this turkey so bad that just watching me eat it is making her purr.
Yes, I've seen "2Girls1Cup." Yes, I have seen worse. No, I am not a weirdo; I just am very unlucky.
Why the FUCK don't they show "Jurassic Park" on Thanksgiving anymore? I mean, I like it's replacement, "The Incredibles," just as much as the next guy, but when I'm eating dead bird I want to watch the ancestors of birds eat people! Is that so wrong? "Independence Day" was on though, so at least we got out Goldblum fix.
My brother's girlfriend moved here and has a job interview today, Black Friday, at Macy's, the largest department store in the world! WHY are they letting people in there for job interviews? Are they just gonna put her to work immediately? What-huh?!?
I am sooooo into Van Halen now you guys. Just the David Lee Roth stuff though. I can't stand Sammy Hagar. Anyone that calls himself "The Red Rocker" doesn't deserve to live. Does he even have red hair? Or is it because his voice makes people bleed from the ears?
I am not going to see that Johnny Depp barber movie. I think Tim Burton has officially lost his magic. When was his last good one? "Mars Attacks?"
My cat wants to eat this turkey so bad that just watching me eat it is making her purr.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Weekend of Humor!
Hey Kids! This weekend I'm bein' funny all over the place!
Today The Creek and The Cave is having something called the Crazytown Fest! It's a huge, 14-hour long party with bands and food and drink specials and probably a lot of shuffleboard! It's 20 bucks to get in but will be so worth it. All proceeds go to helping them soundproof their theater. This place desperately needs to be soundproofed. They get noise complaints about comedy shows, which is just silly. So come on down and help them keep the Man off their backs!
12pm-4am
20$
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.
G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
Then tonight I'm performing at the Drunken Focus Group show at Limerick Bar!
Drunken Focus Group
9:45
Limerick House
69 w.23rd st btwn 5th and 6th aves (next to Duane Reade)
F/N/R to 23rd st.
And then tomorrow, of course, is SCUM AND VILLAINY!
Scum and Villainy
Pianos (158 Ludlow, corner of Ludlow and Stanton in the LES)
FREE
With Craig Baldo, Anthony Jeselnik, Greg Johnson, Pat O'Shea and Giulia Rozzi
Today The Creek and The Cave is having something called the Crazytown Fest! It's a huge, 14-hour long party with bands and food and drink specials and probably a lot of shuffleboard! It's 20 bucks to get in but will be so worth it. All proceeds go to helping them soundproof their theater. This place desperately needs to be soundproofed. They get noise complaints about comedy shows, which is just silly. So come on down and help them keep the Man off their backs!
12pm-4am
20$
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.
E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.
G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.
Then tonight I'm performing at the Drunken Focus Group show at Limerick Bar!
Drunken Focus Group
9:45
Limerick House
69 w.23rd st btwn 5th and 6th aves (next to Duane Reade)
F/N/R to 23rd st.
And then tomorrow, of course, is SCUM AND VILLAINY!
Scum and Villainy
Pianos (158 Ludlow, corner of Ludlow and Stanton in the LES)
FREE
With Craig Baldo, Anthony Jeselnik, Greg Johnson, Pat O'Shea and Giulia Rozzi
Friday, November 09, 2007
Iron Maiden's Still Got It!
Dude, some bands should just quit while they're ahead. Too often, a band will stay together way after their prime just to cash in and it always looks weird and pathetic (e.g. The Doors and The Backstreet Boys and sometimes The Rolling Stones). I don't mind reunion tours like what Van Halen is doing, but if they released a new album it would probably make me throw up.
Iron Maiden, on the other hand, is still tearin' it up! Last week Shandi and I were just sitting around at my house and decided we weren't being metal enough so we popped in this Iron Maiden concert DVD from 2002 (thank you Chris Brunelle for this great gift). Even though these guys are at least 50 in this show, they are ROCKIN' it way better than most bands half their age. They're jumping around, ripping through solos, headbanging, and Bruce Dickinson keeps changing into silly costumes. It's great. Also they had 50-foot tall statues of the Grim Reaper. I should watch that DVD every day just to remind me of what life is really about: guitar solos and singing about demons.
So I've been on a bit of a Maiden kick and just now I dug up my copy of their 2006 album "A Matter of Life and Death." I had never listened to it before all the way through before today and it KICKS ASS! On the rare occasion that an old band puts out new music and it's actually good, I find that it's normally a little more mellow than their previous stuff (like AC/DC's "Stiff Upper Lip"), but not this. It's been TWENTY-SIX years since their first record and these guys still know how to play fast crazy epic songs and Bruce Dickinson still sounds like the baddest-ass metal opera-singer lady you've ever heard. Totally awesome.
I'm gonna go pick up a bicycle now.
Iron Maiden, on the other hand, is still tearin' it up! Last week Shandi and I were just sitting around at my house and decided we weren't being metal enough so we popped in this Iron Maiden concert DVD from 2002 (thank you Chris Brunelle for this great gift). Even though these guys are at least 50 in this show, they are ROCKIN' it way better than most bands half their age. They're jumping around, ripping through solos, headbanging, and Bruce Dickinson keeps changing into silly costumes. It's great. Also they had 50-foot tall statues of the Grim Reaper. I should watch that DVD every day just to remind me of what life is really about: guitar solos and singing about demons.
So I've been on a bit of a Maiden kick and just now I dug up my copy of their 2006 album "A Matter of Life and Death." I had never listened to it before all the way through before today and it KICKS ASS! On the rare occasion that an old band puts out new music and it's actually good, I find that it's normally a little more mellow than their previous stuff (like AC/DC's "Stiff Upper Lip"), but not this. It's been TWENTY-SIX years since their first record and these guys still know how to play fast crazy epic songs and Bruce Dickinson still sounds like the baddest-ass metal opera-singer lady you've ever heard. Totally awesome.
I'm gonna go pick up a bicycle now.
Monday, November 05, 2007
This weekend I...
1. Dressed like a krump clown for a video. I look good in that style, maybe I should keep it up. If I do that, though, I should probably figure out what "hyphy" is.
2. Fell in love with Iron Maiden all over again.
3. Fell in love with giant bottles of scotch all over again.
4. Received a high five from Sam while he was running in the NYC Marathon! So proud of my boy!
5. Said horribly filthy things in front of Sam's mom during a stand-up show.
6. Finally got my tattoo designed! I think I'm getting it this week! Pain!
7. Got the apartment all to myself after two and a half months of having my brother stay with me! He was lovely but you know what's even more lovely? NOT WEARING PANTS EVER.
2. Fell in love with Iron Maiden all over again.
3. Fell in love with giant bottles of scotch all over again.
4. Received a high five from Sam while he was running in the NYC Marathon! So proud of my boy!
5. Said horribly filthy things in front of Sam's mom during a stand-up show.
6. Finally got my tattoo designed! I think I'm getting it this week! Pain!
7. Got the apartment all to myself after two and a half months of having my brother stay with me! He was lovely but you know what's even more lovely? NOT WEARING PANTS EVER.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Whitest Kids U' Know Vs. Fire
Well, the WKUK are convening in Los Angeles tomorrow to take some pictures for Season 2. Apparently it's a really great time of the year to go there since it's, y'know, ON FIRE.
Zach and Trevor have been out there for a while so it'll be good to see them again. I just hope we're not just stopping, dropping and rolling the whole time.
I saw "Blade Runner: The Final Cut" in the theater the other day. If you live anywhere near where this is playing, GO SEE IT. It's awesome on the big screen.
I also saw "30 Days of Night." If you live anywhere near where this is playing, don't go see it. The vampires are cool and there's some good gore, but it's really boring. Go read the comic instead.
I also bought Ween's new album "La Cucaracha." If you live anywhere near where this is being sold (i.e. the internet), go buy it. It's awesome. The song "With My Own Bare Hands" contains one of my favorite lyrics of all time: "She's gonna be my cock professor, studyin' my dick!"
It's really good.
Zach and Trevor have been out there for a while so it'll be good to see them again. I just hope we're not just stopping, dropping and rolling the whole time.
I saw "Blade Runner: The Final Cut" in the theater the other day. If you live anywhere near where this is playing, GO SEE IT. It's awesome on the big screen.
I also saw "30 Days of Night." If you live anywhere near where this is playing, don't go see it. The vampires are cool and there's some good gore, but it's really boring. Go read the comic instead.
I also bought Ween's new album "La Cucaracha." If you live anywhere near where this is being sold (i.e. the internet), go buy it. It's awesome. The song "With My Own Bare Hands" contains one of my favorite lyrics of all time: "She's gonna be my cock professor, studyin' my dick!"
It's really good.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Three Quick Things
1. I am abandoning the Facial Hair Project two and a half weeks in (we have a photo shoot this week and nobody wants to take pictures of "Kinda Hairy Timmy").
2. "Quantum Leap" is actually a really great show.
3. Why aren't there any hot girls that are serial killers? Wouldn't that be awesome?
2. "Quantum Leap" is actually a really great show.
3. Why aren't there any hot girls that are serial killers? Wouldn't that be awesome?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN TOMORROW NIGHT! HOO BOY!
Come to the next KINGDOM OF HEAVEN w/ Timmy and John!!!!
If you haven't been to this super fun show/evening yet, definitely come next Wednesday at 8pm because...our COMEDIAN OF MERIT is...
GODS POTTERY
plus you get TEN Comedians of all levels opening for them!
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
Wednesday 10/17 8pm, 7:30pm New Lottery sign up (10 spots!)
Free
@ The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
The Creek and The Cave
Take the 7 Train to Vernon/Jackson
Take the G Train to 21st
Take the E/V to Court House Rd
Love,
John and Timmy
If you haven't been to this super fun show/evening yet, definitely come next Wednesday at 8pm because...our COMEDIAN OF MERIT is...
GODS POTTERY
plus you get TEN Comedians of all levels opening for them!
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
Wednesday 10/17 8pm, 7:30pm New Lottery sign up (10 spots!)
Free
@ The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
The Creek and The Cave
Take the 7 Train to Vernon/Jackson
Take the G Train to 21st
Take the E/V to Court House Rd
Love,
John and Timmy
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Six Flags!
Today I went to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey! I'd never been before! It was AWWWEEEESSSSOOOMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!! We rode seven roller coasters and they were all fun! We also went to the most confusedly-run taco restaurant in America! It's a surprise we were even fed!
Look at some pictures under my MySpace!
I also registered a few firsts on this trip:
1. First time on a steel coaster.
2. First time on one of those rides that dangle your feet.
3. First time not finding Wonder Woman attractive.
They have this amazing new coaster with a lame name: Kingda Ka. You get in and it goes from 0 to 124 miles an hour in about one second and then shoots you up a 44-story track and then immediately drops you straight back down. AMAZING. I thought I was gonna die. My first and favorite ride of the day, although honorable mention also can go to El Toro, Nitro, and the Batman Ride. Actually, all of the roller coasters were really awesome, but this Kingda Ka was the scariest and most shocking and therefore better. But anyways, me, Darren Bill Tom Melissa and Rachel had the best day ever! I'm getting a season pass next year. And yes, I will continue to wear the little blue shorts whenever I go to Jersey until somebody steals and then burns them.
Today I went to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey! I'd never been before! It was AWWWEEEESSSSOOOMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!! We rode seven roller coasters and they were all fun! We also went to the most confusedly-run taco restaurant in America! It's a surprise we were even fed!
Look at some pictures under my MySpace!
I also registered a few firsts on this trip:
1. First time on a steel coaster.
2. First time on one of those rides that dangle your feet.
3. First time not finding Wonder Woman attractive.
They have this amazing new coaster with a lame name: Kingda Ka. You get in and it goes from 0 to 124 miles an hour in about one second and then shoots you up a 44-story track and then immediately drops you straight back down. AMAZING. I thought I was gonna die. My first and favorite ride of the day, although honorable mention also can go to El Toro, Nitro, and the Batman Ride. Actually, all of the roller coasters were really awesome, but this Kingda Ka was the scariest and most shocking and therefore better. But anyways, me, Darren Bill Tom Melissa and Rachel had the best day ever! I'm getting a season pass next year. And yes, I will continue to wear the little blue shorts whenever I go to Jersey until somebody steals and then burns them.
Friday, October 05, 2007
A Dangerous Combination
Mixing things together is an American tradition. Improving something you like by adding something else you like to it is a time-honored practice that has given us some amazing advancements such as pants that turn into shorts, Wal-Marts that also have restaurants, and all those crazy flavors at Coldstone Creamery where they put slices of pie or whole candy bars in your ice cream.
Well, last night I decided to try a combination myself. After getting home form the bar, I decided to combine a large amount of beer, a laptop, and a credit card, a combination which led to me now owning this:
I don't know if it's better that I remembered right away, or if it would have been an awesome surprise in my mailbox.
Whatever.
Well, last night I decided to try a combination myself. After getting home form the bar, I decided to combine a large amount of beer, a laptop, and a credit card, a combination which led to me now owning this:
I don't know if it's better that I remembered right away, or if it would have been an awesome surprise in my mailbox.
Whatever.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN TONIGHT!
The KINGDOM OF HEAVEN is this Wednesday, and it's gonna be BIG TIME FUN!
Jesus F. Christ (John F. O'Donnell) and Altar Boy Timmy (Timmy Williams) will be performing a new sketch and doing their sweet Stand Up!
Plus, this edition's COMEDIAN OF MERIT is truly exciting! We present to you: The One and Only DAVE HILL!!!!!!!!!
Check out all the cool shit he's done: "The King Of Miami" on MOJO, Adult Swim, Current TV, "Human Giant" on MTV, Sundance Channel, VH1, "Smoking Gun TV" on Court TV, Spike TV, "Random Acts of Duff" on the Learning Channel, E!, "Friday Night Standup" on Comedy Central, Cinemax
www.davehillonline.com
plus, as always, you get TEN COMEDIANS of all levels bringing you HOT LIVE COMEDY ACTION!!!!!!!
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
Wednesday 10/3 8pm, 7:30pm New Lottery sign up (10 spots!)
Free
@ The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
Take the 7 Train to Vernon/Jackson
Take the G Train to 21st
Take the E/V to Court Square
Love,
Timmy and John
Jesus F. Christ (John F. O'Donnell) and Altar Boy Timmy (Timmy Williams) will be performing a new sketch and doing their sweet Stand Up!
Plus, this edition's COMEDIAN OF MERIT is truly exciting! We present to you: The One and Only DAVE HILL!!!!!!!!!
Check out all the cool shit he's done: "The King Of Miami" on MOJO, Adult Swim, Current TV, "Human Giant" on MTV, Sundance Channel, VH1, "Smoking Gun TV" on Court TV, Spike TV, "Random Acts of Duff" on the Learning Channel, E!, "Friday Night Standup" on Comedy Central, Cinemax
www.davehillonline.com
plus, as always, you get TEN COMEDIANS of all levels bringing you HOT LIVE COMEDY ACTION!!!!!!!
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
Wednesday 10/3 8pm, 7:30pm New Lottery sign up (10 spots!)
Free
@ The Creek and The Cave
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com
Take the 7 Train to Vernon/Jackson
Take the G Train to 21st
Take the E/V to Court Square
Love,
Timmy and John
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
The sandwich that will probably infuriate vegetarians worldwide
Today my buddy Lord Easy told me he was in the middle of The Bronx the other day and saw a restaurant nailing up a sign that read "Home of the Murder Burger."
"Eating a Murder Burger" is now the #1 thing on my list of things to look forward to.
"Eating a Murder Burger" is now the #1 thing on my list of things to look forward to.
Right now I...
...am deleting MC Hammer's Song from "The Addams Family" from my Shuffle.
...think I might like Lagwagon again.
...think I might like jalapeno poppers even more than Lagwagon.
...can see the timestream currents moving around my bedroom.
...am wondering why Spaceship has been pretty much the same size since birth.
...am realizing how good the comic "Madman" is (better than most regular books, kids).
...have decided that I should stop writing this now.
...think I might like Lagwagon again.
...think I might like jalapeno poppers even more than Lagwagon.
...can see the timestream currents moving around my bedroom.
...am wondering why Spaceship has been pretty much the same size since birth.
...am realizing how good the comic "Madman" is (better than most regular books, kids).
...have decided that I should stop writing this now.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Last night’s cab ride
I don't really know how to explain the cab ride my brother Andy and I took home last night. It was one of the weirdest yet most heartwarming things that has ever happened to me in NYC.
The driver, one Khan Haider, started speaking in his creepy and raspy voice as soon as we entered the vehicle. He then asked how long we've known eachother and then explained that in India (his home country) people aren't as negative about meeting random strangers as they are here in America.
Then he started talking about friendship and family and love and stuff as he made us wrap eachother in silk scarves.
Really.
I'm still trying to figure it all out. All I know for sure is that I gave him an eight-dollar tip.
The driver, one Khan Haider, started speaking in his creepy and raspy voice as soon as we entered the vehicle. He then asked how long we've known eachother and then explained that in India (his home country) people aren't as negative about meeting random strangers as they are here in America.
Then he started talking about friendship and family and love and stuff as he made us wrap eachother in silk scarves.
Really.
I'm still trying to figure it all out. All I know for sure is that I gave him an eight-dollar tip.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Standup This Week!
Hey kids, now that I'm done shooting Season 2 I get to go do standup again!
Tomorrow (Sunday) I'm performing at the Stillborn in America Tour kick-off show! it's a comedy tour featuring my pals Sean O'Connor, Jonah Ray, Andrew Wright and Nick Maritato, and Sam and I (among others) are going to help send them off! It's at 10pm at Pianos, and costs eight bucks, but show up at 8 for the free Scum and Villainy show, and it'll be like getting two four-dollar shows! Good deal, right?
Stillborn in America
Sunday, September 30
10pm
8$
Pianos
158 Ludlow
Then on Wednesday it's Kingdom of Heaven time! The Comedian of Merit is Dave Hill!
Then on Thursday I'm doing the Tommy Danger show hosted by Sean Patton (winner of Best New Timmy Friend of 2007)! That's at Kabin! Address up soon, okay!
Come out to these shows children!
Tomorrow (Sunday) I'm performing at the Stillborn in America Tour kick-off show! it's a comedy tour featuring my pals Sean O'Connor, Jonah Ray, Andrew Wright and Nick Maritato, and Sam and I (among others) are going to help send them off! It's at 10pm at Pianos, and costs eight bucks, but show up at 8 for the free Scum and Villainy show, and it'll be like getting two four-dollar shows! Good deal, right?
Stillborn in America
Sunday, September 30
10pm
8$
Pianos
158 Ludlow
Then on Wednesday it's Kingdom of Heaven time! The Comedian of Merit is Dave Hill!
Then on Thursday I'm doing the Tommy Danger show hosted by Sean Patton (winner of Best New Timmy Friend of 2007)! That's at Kabin! Address up soon, okay!
Come out to these shows children!
The State of My Struggle to Live in the 21st Century as of September 29, 2007
I have realllllly bad luck with technology. Here's a brief recap:
In late July of 2006, I bought an iPod, which was stolen from me on the subway about a month later. I repurchased an iPod, along with a laptop, about a week before going on tour last September. I left the laptop at the venue in Rochester, NY with about one week left on tour. Around Thanksgiving last year, I left my messenger bag sitting at a table in the Manhattan Mall (gross). When I remembered I had left it, everything was there but my iPod. Thieves apparently do not care about Daredevil comics.
Then I moved into a new apartment and bought my friend Matt's old PC. I also bought an iPod Shuffle at around the same time. This summer, the PC decided that it didn't need the internet anymore and stopped getting online. It even went so far as to delete any new browsers that I attempted to install. Weird.
So then I bought this new Apple MacBook, and I really love it! I've had it for almost two months now!
Yesterday I spilled a bunch of water on it. Now it sometimes reboots for no reason.
Also, any cell phone I buy quits working about 11 months after purchase (this one's due any day), my Wii won't turn on, my Xbox 360 acts up some times, and I'm pretty sure my that my cat is mentally retarded. I should just go off the grid and live in a cave.
The iPod Shuffle, by the way, works great and remains in my ownership TEN MONTHS after I bought it! Amazing! I just wish it could get on MySpace.
In late July of 2006, I bought an iPod, which was stolen from me on the subway about a month later. I repurchased an iPod, along with a laptop, about a week before going on tour last September. I left the laptop at the venue in Rochester, NY with about one week left on tour. Around Thanksgiving last year, I left my messenger bag sitting at a table in the Manhattan Mall (gross). When I remembered I had left it, everything was there but my iPod. Thieves apparently do not care about Daredevil comics.
Then I moved into a new apartment and bought my friend Matt's old PC. I also bought an iPod Shuffle at around the same time. This summer, the PC decided that it didn't need the internet anymore and stopped getting online. It even went so far as to delete any new browsers that I attempted to install. Weird.
So then I bought this new Apple MacBook, and I really love it! I've had it for almost two months now!
Yesterday I spilled a bunch of water on it. Now it sometimes reboots for no reason.
Also, any cell phone I buy quits working about 11 months after purchase (this one's due any day), my Wii won't turn on, my Xbox 360 acts up some times, and I'm pretty sure my that my cat is mentally retarded. I should just go off the grid and live in a cave.
The iPod Shuffle, by the way, works great and remains in my ownership TEN MONTHS after I bought it! Amazing! I just wish it could get on MySpace.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Season 2 - Phew!
Well, Season 2 is more or less shot. We shot more sketches than Season 1 in a shorter amount of time than Season 1 and it felt waaaaay longer than Season 1. I don't know how that all works out mathematically. I suck at math, that's why I do poop jokes and wear bras for a living.
I can't wait for this to get on TV though. We at Whitest Kids Business Company International Conglomerate are all very excited. I think our consensus is that it's funnier than Season 1, so let's see what everyone else thinks. February seems very far away but I'm sure it'll come up before I know it.
Anyways, I'll get back to doing standup, playing video games, and writing about my cat now.
Timmy
Why did I write my name there? Everyone reading this knows who wrote it, and my name's like, RIGHT THERE on the left.
But why should I care about what I think about writing my name? I had a long day and a long glass of Scotch. I can write my name wherever I want to! FUCK Timmy.
Right?
I can't wait for this to get on TV though. We at Whitest Kids Business Company International Conglomerate are all very excited. I think our consensus is that it's funnier than Season 1, so let's see what everyone else thinks. February seems very far away but I'm sure it'll come up before I know it.
Anyways, I'll get back to doing standup, playing video games, and writing about my cat now.
Timmy
Why did I write my name there? Everyone reading this knows who wrote it, and my name's like, RIGHT THERE on the left.
But why should I care about what I think about writing my name? I had a long day and a long glass of Scotch. I can write my name wherever I want to! FUCK Timmy.
Right?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Weekend of Merriment!
When I'm on my deathbed, one thing is for certain: I will die knowing that I did the weekend of September 21, 2007 totally balls-out awesome.
I started on Friday meeting my friend Kevin, whom I haven't seen in eons, down in Little Italy for the Feast of San Genarro. I don't know what exactly the Feast is for, but based on what I saw it's all about eating food that is really really really really bad for you. Like fried Oreos.
Then I got really drunk on a roof, which I haven't done in a long time. I also was hitting on a girl and decided to finally use the "I have a TV show" line, only to find out that 1. she knew that and 2. so did her boyfriend, who was some sort of muscleman.
Yesterday I saw that Jesse James movie. I think it's called "Brad Pitt Gets Pwned" or something. It was great though and I recommend it. The acting and cinematography are amazing and help you forget that the score is AWFUL.
Then after that we went to a pool party! There's some hotel in Midtown that lets you just come swim, and they have a swim-up bar! It was AMAZING. They had this annoying lifeguard that wouldn't let us have chicken fights, and the drinks are WAY too expensive, but besides that it was really awesome. I don't know why I never thought of going to this place before. You'd think I'd have put together the "wet half-naked women + booze = great" thing before, but hey, I'm a little slow on the uptake. Halfway through the evening, our party of comedians (pasty, neurotic and out of shape nerds that didn't know how to handle seeing their female friends' wet bodies) was taken over by what appeared to be a party consisting of 50 Cent music video extras (gorgeous black women and dudes with giant muscles). Not to be a dirty old man, but one of the women had a butt that could probably cure cancer, poverty, pollution, and get "Arrested Development" back on the air. Everyone, guys and girls, were staring at this amazing gluteal phenomenon, and it went past lechery to where we were really just trying to figure out how it was possible. We were staring at her ass in the name of science. Anyways, they knew how to party, and the lifeguard let them do chicken fights! Hot girls have the best lives. And boobs.
Famous mime Marcel Marceau died today. I want to pay tribute to him somehow but I think the traditional "moment of silence" will just feel petty and insignificant in this case.
I started on Friday meeting my friend Kevin, whom I haven't seen in eons, down in Little Italy for the Feast of San Genarro. I don't know what exactly the Feast is for, but based on what I saw it's all about eating food that is really really really really bad for you. Like fried Oreos.
Then I got really drunk on a roof, which I haven't done in a long time. I also was hitting on a girl and decided to finally use the "I have a TV show" line, only to find out that 1. she knew that and 2. so did her boyfriend, who was some sort of muscleman.
Yesterday I saw that Jesse James movie. I think it's called "Brad Pitt Gets Pwned" or something. It was great though and I recommend it. The acting and cinematography are amazing and help you forget that the score is AWFUL.
Then after that we went to a pool party! There's some hotel in Midtown that lets you just come swim, and they have a swim-up bar! It was AMAZING. They had this annoying lifeguard that wouldn't let us have chicken fights, and the drinks are WAY too expensive, but besides that it was really awesome. I don't know why I never thought of going to this place before. You'd think I'd have put together the "wet half-naked women + booze = great" thing before, but hey, I'm a little slow on the uptake. Halfway through the evening, our party of comedians (pasty, neurotic and out of shape nerds that didn't know how to handle seeing their female friends' wet bodies) was taken over by what appeared to be a party consisting of 50 Cent music video extras (gorgeous black women and dudes with giant muscles). Not to be a dirty old man, but one of the women had a butt that could probably cure cancer, poverty, pollution, and get "Arrested Development" back on the air. Everyone, guys and girls, were staring at this amazing gluteal phenomenon, and it went past lechery to where we were really just trying to figure out how it was possible. We were staring at her ass in the name of science. Anyways, they knew how to party, and the lifeguard let them do chicken fights! Hot girls have the best lives. And boobs.
Famous mime Marcel Marceau died today. I want to pay tribute to him somehow but I think the traditional "moment of silence" will just feel petty and insignificant in this case.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Season 2 - Week 4
Today we shot a sketch that I've been waiting to shoot for months. It's brand new and is one of the craziest things we've ever done. I know I'm not supposed to spoil anything, but I can't help it. The sketch we shot today is about LSDIFNYAELVUBRYASEVHTBLSAEKUTHLNSVKH and involves NTALSKUHTRLASKJEHNALSKJEHR for 45 minutes BLVASKUERHBLASERHLSIYB4NV
Whoah. Sorry. My keyboard malfunctioned for a second. What was I talking about? Was it this?
Thanks for the video, Kate!
Whoah. Sorry. My keyboard malfunctioned for a second. What was I talking about? Was it this?
Thanks for the video, Kate!
Friday, September 07, 2007
Addendum To My Earlier Post
So early this morning, I posted the following statement about yesterday's shoot:
"Yesterday we were shooting outside in Brooklyn and some dude just wandered up to the Craft Services table and started eating bagels. One of the Production Assistants asked him who he was and I think he said he was "with props.""
Guess what? HE WAS WITH PROPS.
I'm an asshole.
"Yesterday we were shooting outside in Brooklyn and some dude just wandered up to the Craft Services table and started eating bagels. One of the Production Assistants asked him who he was and I think he said he was "with props.""
Guess what? HE WAS WITH PROPS.
I'm an asshole.
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