Suit-wearing

I don't wear suits very often. I don't even wear pants unless I absolutely have to. This evening, however, I actually had occasion to wear a suit. So I did.

The Whitest Kids were invited to this big to-do about TV and ad sales or something. I don't know what the party was actually about, but there was free caviar and escargot and also free vodka. And the dude that plays Sawyer on "Lost" was there (HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT). So I wore a suit. I'm not going to let my aversion to wearing pants keep me from getting free food and seeing dudes from from the only TV show I watch that doesn't feature me and my friends making fart sounds.

Anyways, so yeah, suits. There's some things you can and cannot do while wearing a suit.

You CAN'T do rock jumps, because you don't want to split your pants.

You CAN look nice. Or at least presentable. Basically, when I wear a suit it makes people in my presence want to turn the lights off less.

You CAN'T take the subway home if it's past 1AM. People will probably fuck with you.

You CAN appear far more important/famous/sexy than you actually are.

I took a cab home tonight, and as I was sitting back there in my suit I started to wonder what the cabbie would think if I told him that the place we were headed to was not my home but rather the home of someone I had been hired to kill. If I was a dude that wore suits all the time, I would totally tell cabbies that constantly.

Next time I wear a suit (wedding/funeral/weird industry party), I'll totally try it.