Thoughts Over Leftovers

I'm just sitting here gnawing on a leftover turkey wing from yesterday's DELICIOUS Thanksgiving meal at my friend Cristalle's house and realized I haven't written a blog in like a week or so! Blasphemy!

Yes, I've seen "2Girls1Cup." Yes, I have seen worse. No, I am not a weirdo; I just am very unlucky.

Why the FUCK don't they show "Jurassic Park" on Thanksgiving anymore? I mean, I like it's replacement, "The Incredibles," just as much as the next guy, but when I'm eating dead bird I want to watch the ancestors of birds eat people! Is that so wrong? "Independence Day" was on though, so at least we got out Goldblum fix.

My brother's girlfriend moved here and has a job interview today, Black Friday, at Macy's, the largest department store in the world! WHY are they letting people in there for job interviews? Are they just gonna put her to work immediately? What-huh?!?

I am sooooo into Van Halen now you guys. Just the David Lee Roth stuff though. I can't stand Sammy Hagar. Anyone that calls himself "The Red Rocker" doesn't deserve to live. Does he even have red hair? Or is it because his voice makes people bleed from the ears?

I am not going to see that Johnny Depp barber movie. I think Tim Burton has officially lost his magic. When was his last good one? "Mars Attacks?"

My cat wants to eat this turkey so bad that just watching me eat it is making her purr.

Weekend of Humor!

Hey Kids! This weekend I'm bein' funny all over the place!

Today The Creek and The Cave is having something called the Crazytown Fest! It's a huge, 14-hour long party with bands and food and drink specials and probably a lot of shuffleboard! It's 20 bucks to get in but will be so worth it. All proceeds go to helping them soundproof their theater. This place desperately needs to be soundproofed. They get noise complaints about comedy shows, which is just silly. So come on down and help them keep the Man off their backs!

12pm-4am
20$
THE CREEK AND THE CAVE
10-93 Jackson Ave.
Long Island City, NY 11101
www.thecreekandthecave.com

7 to Vernon/Jackson (one stop from Grand Central). Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk one block north to 49th Ave.

E or V to 23 St/Ely Ave. Exit onto 44th to Jackson Ave. Walk five blocks south on Jackson to 49th Ave. Please note that the V train does not run on weekends.

G to 21 St/Van Alst. Exit onto Jackson Ave. Walk 3 blocks south (away from Citibank building) to 49th Ave.

Then tonight I'm performing at the Drunken Focus Group show at Limerick Bar!

Drunken Focus Group
9:45
Limerick House
69 w.23rd st btwn 5th and 6th aves (next to Duane Reade)
F/N/R to 23rd st.

And then tomorrow, of course, is SCUM AND VILLAINY!
Scum and Villainy
Pianos (158 Ludlow, corner of Ludlow and Stanton in the LES)
FREE
With Craig Baldo, Anthony Jeselnik, Greg Johnson, Pat O'Shea and Giulia Rozzi

Iron Maiden's Still Got It!

Dude, some bands should just quit while they're ahead. Too often, a band will stay together way after their prime just to cash in and it always looks weird and pathetic (e.g. The Doors and The Backstreet Boys and sometimes The Rolling Stones). I don't mind reunion tours like what Van Halen is doing, but if they released a new album it would probably make me throw up.

Iron Maiden, on the other hand, is still tearin' it up! Last week Shandi and I were just sitting around at my house and decided we weren't being metal enough so we popped in this Iron Maiden concert DVD from 2002 (thank you Chris Brunelle for this great gift). Even though these guys are at least 50 in this show, they are ROCKIN' it way better than most bands half their age. They're jumping around, ripping through solos, headbanging, and Bruce Dickinson keeps changing into silly costumes. It's great. Also they had 50-foot tall statues of the Grim Reaper. I should watch that DVD every day just to remind me of what life is really about: guitar solos and singing about demons.

So I've been on a bit of a Maiden kick and just now I dug up my copy of their 2006 album "A Matter of Life and Death." I had never listened to it before all the way through before today and it KICKS ASS! On the rare occasion that an old band puts out new music and it's actually good, I find that it's normally a little more mellow than their previous stuff (like AC/DC's "Stiff Upper Lip"), but not this. It's been TWENTY-SIX years since their first record and these guys still know how to play fast crazy epic songs and Bruce Dickinson still sounds like the baddest-ass metal opera-singer lady you've ever heard. Totally awesome.

I'm gonna go pick up a bicycle now.

This weekend I...

1. Dressed like a krump clown for a video. I look good in that style, maybe I should keep it up. If I do that, though, I should probably figure out what "hyphy" is.

2. Fell in love with Iron Maiden all over again.

3. Fell in love with giant bottles of scotch all over again.

4. Received a high five from Sam while he was running in the NYC Marathon! So proud of my boy!

5. Said horribly filthy things in front of Sam's mom during a stand-up show.

6. Finally got my tattoo designed! I think I'm getting it this week! Pain!

7. Got the apartment all to myself after two and a half months of having my brother stay with me! He was lovely but you know what's even more lovely? NOT WEARING PANTS EVER.