So my wife Kristin and I have four chickens. Their names are Trevor, Zach, Darren and Sam, after the other Whitest Kids/dumbest names we could think of. They're still very young but starting to get really big and today I was lifting one and it clucked! So I guess that means we're doing a good job at keeping them from dying.
Chickens are hilarious. They have this air about them that they seem to think they're way more important than anything else ever. They'll puff their chest out and act all indignant if you try to pick them up or change their water, and then they'll do something stupid like walk on another chicken's head or take a dump on it's own feathers. So basically, chickens are arrogant retarded assholes, but we love them because they have pretty feathers.