Taxis and Such

So last night was a pretty blistering-hot session of karaoke.

If I went back and time and told the me from five years ago that me now had typed that sentence, Past Me would probably try to fight me. But then I'd bring him back to the future and we'd sing some Megadeth together and he would see how awesome it was. And he would totally vote for the N*SYNC song above all those Backstreet Boys people.

But really, last night was awesome; there weren't a ton of people, just enough to have a good time, and all of us Karaoke Freaks got to sing a lot of songs. And I drank a lot of orange juice and water (I'm not drinking for a little while because I had a cold and am quitting smoking).

But all that rockin' out made me sweaty, which normally happens, but I didn't notice how sweaty until after I entered the taxi to go home. The windows actually started fogging up when I entered the vehicle. I know it was also humid out yesterday, but I didn't see any other fogged-up cars, so I'm guessing it was my own man-vapors that turned the taxi into a sauna. I think the driver was annoyed, but that's okay. Here's why:

Taxi drivers can't get to Sunset Park. None of 'em. I take cabs home about twice a week, and I NEVER have gotten a driver who, after hearing my address, says "Okay." And that's fine. It's a big city. I understand not knowing all of it like the back of your hand, especially since my neighborhood is kinda deep into Brooklyn and somewhat insular, meaning it is rather self-sustaining with its own stores, rappers, and Chinatowns. And when I tell people where I live, they normally ask me if there are farms where I live (the answer is no).
So it's okay that these dudes don't know where it is...but...I DO. I tell these guys explicit directions EACH AND EVERY TIME, and they never listen! But don't take my word for it, read the script:

TITLE: "TAXI TIME TIMMY"

FADE TO:
INT. TAXI - NIGHT

TIMMY, a devilishly handsome comedic genius and brilliant karaoke artist, flips back his silky raven hair with one hand while clutching the plastic window thing in the middle of the hand with his other. he is dripping in sweat, but in a sexy way. The CABBIE sits in the front of the taxi, a dumbfounded look on his face and a cell-phone headset on his ear.
TIMMY
So yeah, just take the Manhattan Bridge down Flatbush, then to 4th Avenue, and then just go left at 46th.

CABBIE
No!

TIMMY
What?

CABBIE
BQE!

TIMMY
I don't know, man, it's normally really packed at this time. I tak cabs home quite often, and it's always packed now.

CABBIE
BQE better! It's an expressway!

TIMMY
Well in theory, but actually...

CABBIE
BQE!

TIMMY
...okay. Fine!

CABBIE
Yes!

The CABBIE begins talking to someone on his headset phone loudly. The din is only increased by the radio blaring the news in the same language that the driver is speaking. Several minutes of gridlocked traffic pn the BQE pass by as the meter skyrockets into the teens, and then twenties...

CABBIE
BQE is jammed! Why are we on this?!? I'll take a shortcut!

TIMMY
But...

The rest of TIMMY's sentence is cut off by squealing tires as the taxi screams off the BQE, down some random dark street. The CABBIE then begins craning his neck out the window, looking for some landmark that may indicate where he has just guided his cab and it's priceless fare...

FADE TO BLACK

And it goes on like that for like 20 more minutes, until I'm finally dropped off three blocks from my house three hours later and 30 bucks poorer.

Okay, so this post got really long (I'm listening to Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell," so that's probably why), but here's my point: CABBIES. Grab a map. Learn the city. Or at least Sunset Part, because that's where I live, and I'm awesome. And I see more and more college kids here every month, and we all know they like cabs too, so it might be a smart move. Just learn it. Please. And then learn Greenpoint, because I'm moving there in like two weeks. Thanks.
And yes, I really am listening to that album right now. I'm gonna listen to the whole trilogy in the next few days and then intrepret it here.